| Why Me? |
[Nov. 12th, 2005|01:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows | ] | I know he won't read it, but these feelings are still inside of me. I don't know why and I don't know how I feel. I feel like its turning into the same thing as the "J" him. But I just don't know. I pray to god it isn't. I may love "J" him but the last thing i need is another realtioship like that. What am I supposed to tell him, "Sorry, it'll never work out." I can't do that, the type of person I am won't let me. So I turn to you, my livejournal. One of the only things where I can actually be myself and not worry about what others think because people barely read this anyways so it's basically private.... i think. I don't know what to do, I'm all confused, mixed up. Why me? Why'd I have to be the person this happened to? I guess it's true, Greek Mythology is right.. well sort of, because no one makes our futures, we do. |
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| ok i just don't get it |
[Sep. 10th, 2005|02:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) | ] | ok alex is still confusing me! i don't kno how i feel i mean i have so much running through me its too hard to desipher. Bleh i hate reality.
ML Katie |
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| Looking Back |
[Aug. 18th, 2005|11:13 pm] |
I looked back at my livejournal and read every single little section I ever wrote. I saw the pain the seeped forth and the tears when I learned not to cry anymore. But I guess that goes back to this exact saying, "If we didn't have terrible days then we wouldn't know what happy days are like". I guess I had a terrible year. I'm sorry to my friends who I out through so much. I'm sorry and I heart you guys!! I have decided to be more depressed again until oct.8, the first day i started this livejournal and on that exact day I will create brand new livejournal.Thanx to Lana and Katie i learned that I can't keep living in the past.
XoXoX Katie |
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| STUPID MOOD ICON!! |
[Aug. 16th, 2005|11:58 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | bleh! | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | angry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sooner or Later Breaking Benjamin | ] |
AHHHHHHH!! I WANT MY STARS BACK BUT NOW I HAVE A STUPID GOTH GIRL!!!! I WANT MY STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I osund two but it won't lt me and now i'm mad.
ttyl |
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| hahahahaha lmao!! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|11:15 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | i am soo hyper!! | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | In The End My Chemical Romance | ] |
http://www.sugar-craze.net/
omfg that is the funniest thing ever!!!
well for ME at least.
LANA!!! IF YOU GET THIS U GOTTA CALL ME!!! I MISS MY MATH BUDDY!!! LOL!! |
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| bleh |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|08:46 pm] |
ok i don't get it! seriously. how did i break his heart!? i didn't do anything so i don't know wat to do. I mean yes i like him but i don't know how to make him happy. I can't even make myself happy. Well i'm all confused. why can't life just be simple? |
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| {none} |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
i can't descibe how i feel rite now... |
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| Cute Thing (Stolen from Kristen who stole it from Molly) |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|12:06 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | too cute | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Brandy- "Have You Ever" | ] |
the key to this list is waiting for the one you LOVE, not just any old crush.
When you love a girl... -Play with her hair. -Talk to her in movie theatres. -Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her. -Hold her hand and walk. -Hold her hand and run. -Just hold her hand. -Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. -Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. -Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know'' -Sit in the park and talk to her. -Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. -Tell her stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. -Write poems about her. -Walk with her, even if its just around the block. -Throw pebbles at her window at night. -SURPRISE HER. -Do things that make her SMILE, make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face. -BE SPONTANEOUS.. -When she starts yelling at you, tell her you love her. -Give her back rubs. -Play football with her. -Let her fall asleep in your arms. -Call her even if its just to say hi. -Call her back if she calls you. -Jump on the bed with her. -Whisper in her ear. -Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. -Carve your names into a tree. -Get her mad, then KISS her. -Push her on swings. -Stay up with her all night. -Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you. -Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the *stars*. -Make up nicknames for each other. -Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly. -Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. -Teach her guitar. -Lend her your cds. -Make her cds of songs that remind you of her. -Write her letters. -If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip. -Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long. -Listen to her favorite songs. -When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. -Buy her ice cream. -LET HER TAKE ALL THE PICUTURES OF YOU SHE WANTS. -Look into her eyes. -Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. -Make her a romantic dinner for special days. -Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or dateand surprise her on the anniversary. -Kiss her in the rain. -Kiss her when she least expects it. -When you fall in love with her, tell her. |
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| lies |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|07:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Brand New "Sick Transit Gloria..... Glory Fades" | ] | If life is full of lies and failing relationships and ending families pain suffering and lies then why do we continue to go on with our lives to see another day? |
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| My Happy Entry |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|05:47 pm] |
Well this entry is for Katie G and Lana for saying my livejournal is depressing even though it is but no one needs to know that now do they.
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| Why do you put me through such pain God? |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | upset | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Eryn Smith | ] | Why do you take everything and throw it away why didn't you take me instead Because this pain your sending is killing me i'll sit outside as the rain falls and scream up to you "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME DIE!?!?" i already know the anwser though i won't beleive it i no it as the rain falls i'll scream more hopeing you'll hear me for once "why do you want?" i don't know anymore if your really up there God then you wouldn't allow such pain to come forth but you do so i've stopped beleiving you're even there you let death take innoccent people leaving the guilty to see another day one day i'll finally die and find out for myself if you're up there and truely cinical or if you aren't and theres nothing after death
I don't htink many people read this anymore but i don't care. It's a nice way to vent. w/e i got another quiz and i'm pastin the results.
~*~Result nr 12~*~
 Your power is: The ability to breathe under water Explanation: When swimming, you don't need to get up and take a new fresh breathe since you take in the oxygen from the water. This allows to stay in the water as much as you'd like. In good purposes it can save drowning victims. In evil purposes it can make the person drag people down to the depth and have them drowned. This helps you escape the world, if even for a bit, since you have grown to despise it so much. You have been a beaten dreamer with aspirations crushed. Now you try to control your hopes because you don't want to get hurt again. You feel there is no hope for you in the future and has no real goals. But unlike the Controller of Time you do still feel even if it's mostly negative emotions. You have few friends, if any, and feel you are unable to speak about your troubles. And unlike the Transformer, you don't feel happiness nowadays. All seems to be filled despair whereever you go and you are bitter becaue the world has failed you. It didn't turn out the way you wanted it too and you feel betrayed. It is also likely the feeling of betrayal comes from past relationships where you were left alone in the end. Negative aspects: Since you are highly depressed and not letting out your emotions properly there is a possibility for cutting, to let the emotions out. Also, if the feeling of despair grows to strong you might consider taking your life.
What Power is Compatible With You? brought to you by Quizilla
take it. it's really good.
here one day and gone the next,
Katie |
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| I'm Already Gone |
[May. 24th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fly Hilary Duff | ] | I'm not going to wait anymore. I know it can never happen and I finally fouind out my life isn't a fairytale. With my dreams shattered, hopes dashed, and heart torn into 1 million peices i don't want to waste my time anymore. Everything just hurts like freaking hell. I had hoped you'd see I needed you but I guess you really couldn't know me. I watched A Cinderella Story with Hilary Duff. I know i know but it was really good and it showed me you can't wait so i'm not going to. I guess my masks have become my face and you can no longer see the difference between the fake happiness and the real me. I wanted to show you the real my but I didn't think you could handle it. You thought you knew me didn't you? You and everyone else. But you don't, and now you won't because you won't be able to take the time and i'm not willing to show you anymore. So tonight i'll say good-bye, so long. Apparently i'm hurting you and i'm no good if i am. Your girlfriend will be a better comfort than i ever was. I just wish I didn't have to hide from you.
~*Dedicated*~ even if you don't read it... |
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| If I Cry Crimson Tears Will You Start To Listen? |
[May. 19th, 2005|08:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Imaginary Evanescence | ] | This is what i'm wondering; if i do cry those crimson tears will you care? will you be there to wipe them away? will you help me through this? or will you break me up again? i want no more lies i want no more pain and i don't want your stupid game i want your love to set me free i want it to be just u and me thats how i wish it could always be i wish u could see the real me hidden beneath these layers is a girl who's looking for love if only i had your love guide me you just make me wonder, If I Cry Those Crimson Tears Will you Care?
yes well the story of my life. I'm so screwed up rite now and idk wat to do about it anymore. He is tryin 2 help but i no he can't. i don't want him to love me lik boyfriend girlfriend i just want him to b able to lean on and b there so i can talk 2 him. but i no he can't love me cuz he gave it all to her. i don't really mind it cuz thats where his love belongs with her. so once again In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me. thats "Imaginary" by Evanescence. luv them.
heres another quiz result well 2 actually but wth:
 Your word is: Sad. You wanted to give yourself to someone. But they didn't accept you. Being rejected, whether it be from family, friends, love-interests or peers, is a very hurtful thing to go through. It is also likely that you have been betrayed several times before, which is why you keep away from everyone now. You learned the hard way to never trust people and your defence-mechanism is now to isolate yourself. Yet you yearn for people who will understand and like you, to have the thing you never had: love.
What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes) brought to you by Quizilla
2nd result:
 Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and often try to figure out the meaning of life, why we are all here etc. You may not be so social, and often think twice before acting but those thoughts you have in your mind never stop flowing in. Sometimes you can be so concentrated you forget about other things that you have to do. Don't change, this world needs deep people.
What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes) brought to you by Quizilla
sigh yes i have the worst results again but hey i'm used to is.
i'm gone
*poof* |
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| Ice |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|02:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Haunted Evanescence | ] | People may think you are an outcast and that your weird or that your a goth or some one horrible. Trith is your not. You may need someone to help you and feel no one is willing. You feel torn up and feel your depression is eating you up inside. Irts how i feel and it's not going to change unless i can find someone to talk to. I don't know how i got this way and i don't want to be like this but i feel like i'm in a bubble of darkness cut off rom the rest of the world. Well i took this quiz and to tell you the truth i know water is my element it always has been i am cool calm and collective.. or at least i was. well ne ways heres my side affect. here's wat i feel i'm stuck in. You should take it too.
src="http://images.quizilla.com/P/PainfulBliss/1112620757_ce.Element.JPG" border="0" alt="Ice element"> Your element is Ice. This element may seem a little odd, but this is a side-effect from when the element of Water gets to hurt. Once you were a content soul, and happy with life. But then something happened. Not necessarily on one day, it probably happened gradually over time. You lost your will to care and became even more reserved from the world. People had hurt you in ways you do not want to remember and now you isolate yourself from them. You have turned into an outsider and probably dress more in black than you used to. Your depression is eating you up and tearing you apart and the worst part is that no one is willing to help, or so it seems. In school you are often by yourself or one single friend and you rarely seem to be truly happy anymore. Your sad, distant eyes and constant frown seems glued to your face and you need a saviour from this world. You may turn to music for understanding and sing/scream along in the lyrics to get rid of some pain. You are not very open about your problems to your family/friends, and wish that they would just notice it and make it go away. Rate and message!
What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!] brought to you by Quizilla |
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| sometimes i wonder |
[Feb. 15th, 2005|07:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | wonderwall | ] | someimes i wonder if there's something wrong with me i hate feeling the way i do. in health mr.dowde was talking about how some drugs canffect ur happiness. i feel so deepressed all the time so i wonder is here somehing wrong wih me. i want to change i really do but i jus can't. so i continue to wonder is there something wrong with me. |
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| The Real ME |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|02:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Take what life throws at u | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Concrete Angels - Martine McBride | ] | some say that u can c the real u b cuz it's how u look or how u act but no. it's not just how u feel or how u act b czu not everybody knows how u FEEL. u constantly wonder if your good enough or u say ot urself 'i don't wanna b here anymore. please end it now' but it'll never stop it'll never end. people only judge u from ur looks or how u act but ask them, 'do u no how it FEELS?'
here's a result from a quiz i took:
 Your inner soul is calling for help! You always seem so depressed, lonely, and feel like an outsider. You may have a cold, sad exterior, but in all reality you are hurt inside and bottling up all of your anger. Everyday you wonder why are you still here when there is nothing left? You use to once be a happy, loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and seems like it never can be fixed again. However, you have yet seemed to realize that there are people out there that deeply care for you. They secretly have a thing for you because they find you to be dark, mysterious, and full of secrets, not to mention being the prettiest person in the world! You like to enjoy your time by yourself expressing your feelings through forms of art, and enjoy nice quiet scenaries that just dazzle your mind with awe. Your bedroom is basically your sanctuary where you can hide out, hidden from those who gave you all of the pain. Try to loosen up and have some fun! Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile :)
What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say? (With Pics, See All Results!) brought to you by Quizilla
the truth is love can't always save u nor friends nor family. the only one who can save u is u. but i think that i can never b saved b czu i'm already 2 deep in what i have start. yes i no because these are my story' my hopes my pain my feelings. these things i write are mine and they will forever remain mine. |
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| bored... |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|03:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mocking Bird - Eminem | ] | hey everybody who reads this.. well i took a quiz and i felt likee posting the resuls here so wateva
Take the quiz: [url=http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=5442]What Kind Of Weapon Are you? [img]http://www.zenhex.com/quiz/5442/res7.jpg[/img][/url] [b]Sword[/b] You're the sword! Most definitely the most honorable and honest of weapons. You've been used for thousands of years to inflict pain and death on mankind. People see you as the most noble of weapons. Traditionally, you're the big brother of the gun. If a gun isn't available, a fighter will grab for you and try to take out their enemy. You're retired now, nobody really uses you in war, mankind has other... More disgusting methods now. You're good for a stab in the heart, the neck or the gut and everyone appreciates a death by a sword. The only people that use you anymore are either very stupid or very crazy. Murderer. |
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| the walls |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|07:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Linkin park breaking the habit | ] | the walls hold u bac in the maze of time facing yourself to regain consciousness a battle rages on inside me as the blood from me spills one side regains strength the other looses it blood drops from my arm and splashes to the floor the battle rages between good and evil woosyness comes over you 'slam' right through your good side evils sword swaying back and forth blood pours from the goodness of u sword is drawn from ur good sides body the blood flow from ur arm increases making it hard to breathe 'scream' a sound coming from your good side it drops you drop lifeless as a cold stone rock darkness has won...... |
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| this little girl |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|05:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Takes My Pain Away | ] | tears stream down this little girls face as she watches her parents fight. 'i don't like this fighting,' she think, ' i don't like it one bit.' well this little girl is older now and she cries for a different reason. 'stop the noise' she thinks 'stop the pain' you may think hat she cries because some onee died or she's sad about something that happened well guess what ur wrong. this girl has a mind full of darkness, suffering, and pain. tars stream down this older version of the little girls face and fall slowly down her arm and collide wit the blood. she hole ein her heart will never heal it she can never be saved. the scissors fall from her hand and straight to the floor she takes one last breath, drops, and it's over it's finally over...... |
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